I want to share some of the fun(ny) realities and positives of divorce.

1. You Are Now a Logistics Pro

I know I’m not the only wife who left certain things to my (now ex) husband. He paid the rent, he kept an eye on the electricity meter, he decided what we did for holidays. Obviously, I did other stuff. But, when he left, I felt helpless, useless, and overwhelmed. It turns out, he was doing all the easy stuff. Now, I can calculate garbage collection timelines, delivery cutoffs, schedules and reschedules, and the exact amount of emotional energy I need to get through the next hour before I’ve even had my first sip of coffee. I feel like I could probably coordinate a rocket launch (complete with colour-coded balloon arches) and still have a gap for gym. When you have to, you learn that you absolutely can. And probably in a way you prefer.  

2. The Great Divide of Stuff 

You may have to dig deep to see this one as a positive of divorce!

Looking back, dividing our stuff was actually hilarious. My ex obviously felt guilty for what he’d done, so he wasn’t really demanding. Also, we had…like…nothing much to our name. So, he left with the steamer, the AMC pot, the tent, and the lightbulb in the garage (I’m not kidding). I got all the furniture. It did tickle me to imagine him sleeping in a tent and steaming his broccoli while enjoying some ocean views. And, I guess, admiring his lightbulb. Find the humour where you can. Even if you really have to stretch your imagination.  

3. The “Evil Twin” Narrative

We all have that moment where we want to be the cool, unbothered one. But sometimes, you have to be the “boring”, responsible one who pays the bills on time. And that’s fine! Because they get to be the “reckless” one who buys something corny like a sports car. It’s like we’re a comedy duo, except we don’t talk to each other and we live in different postal codes. We’re the east and west of questionable life choices. It’s a beautiful, chaotic balance of who-can-pretend-they’re-doing-better.

4. The Weird, Wonderful Silence 

The chewing, tapping, tuneless whistling, door banging, sniffing, throat-clearing, snoring…it all just goes away! You can hear the fridge humming. You can hear your own thoughts (which can, admittedly, be terrifying). Suddenly, you find yourself talking to the dog. It’s the only time you realise how loud the constant, low-grade tension actually was. You might sometimes miss it but. It’s a confusing mix of peace and panic. Is this what freedom feels like? Or is it just the lack of someone clearing their sinuses in the other room?

5. The Relief is one of the Major Positives of Divorce…Enjoy It 

I had glimpses of relief before it became real. It would usually be when I was doing something “normal”. Grocery shopping and buying only what I wanted to eat, dancing alone in my lounge at night, saying “yes” to any and all social engagements that I wanted to attend. I didn’t party, I just lived. I took my time, I laughed without being self-conscious, I felt confident in how I was dressed, I took road trips with girl-friends. This is the real peace of divorce, even when it’s not what we wanted. Eat supper in the afternoon, watch a documentary about celebrity makeovers, and leave the bed unmade. If you want. 

It’s not easy, I’d never pretend it was. But, it’s do-able, and there are plenty of glimmers along the way that can make you smile and savour the new normal.