Divorce – The Kids' Guide

Divorced parents spend a lot of time worrying about how our children are coping. We hand them affirmations, sticky notes, and reassuring nods. Meanwhile, we are running on coffee, guilt, and the rare five minutes of silence in the car before we go inside to do it all again.

But the uncomfortable truth is that you can’t stabilise your child if you are wobbling like a loose shopping trolley wheel. You need your own set of mental anchors.

These 30 affirmations are for you. They cover three messy areas: calming your own brain, showing up for your kids, and dealing with your ex without losing your dignity (or temper). Stick them on your bathroom mirror, your dashboard, or your phone lock screen. Say them out loud when nobody is listening. You don’t have to believe them right away, just keep them nearby.

How to Use These Affirmations Without Feeling Silly

Affirmations feel ridiculous at first, especially when you’re making eye contact with yourself in the bathroom mirror and trying to make them believable. That’s normal. Say them anyway.

The trick is to catch yourself in the moment. When your ex sends a passive-aggressive text, say number 11 before you reply. When you are lying awake at 02h00 replaying every mistake, say number 1. When your kid says something that cuts deep, say number 14.

Your brain will eventually get the memo and start to believe these truths.

Also, let your kids overhear you saying appropriate ones (such as “I am allowed to take a break”) to yourself. They need to see that you are human, and it gives them permission to be human as well.

Now, here is the list.

For Calming Your Own Mind

1. I am allowed to take a break without feeling guilty about it.

2. My worth as a person doesn’t depend on whether my marriage worked out.

3. I cannot pour from an empty cup. Rest is not laziness. It’s maintenance.

4. I am doing the best I can with what I have today. Tomorrow I might do better. That’s fine.

5. It is completely normal to feel relieved and heartbroken at the exact same time. Both feelings are real.

6. I am not a failure for getting divorced. I am a person who made a difficult choice.

7. I am allowed to grieve the life I thought I would have. I am also allowed to enjoy the life I am building now.

8. I do not have to have all the answers today. Some things will become clearer later.

9. My peace is worth protecting. I can say no to things that drain me.

10. Taking care of myself is not selfish. It is the only way I can take care of anyone else.

For Helping Your Kids

11. My child needs me to be steady, not perfect. Steady is achievable; perfect isn’t.

12. Listening to my child doesn’t mean I have to fix everything. They just need to be heard.

13. I can apologise to my child when I mess up. That shows them that grown-ups are still learning too.

14. My child’s wellbeing is more important than being right in any argument.

15. I don’t have to entertain my child constantly. Just being present is enough.

16. My child is allowed to feel angry at me; it doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent.

17. I can say “I don’t know” to my child. Honesty is better than a made-up answer.

18. I am modelling resilience every single day, even when I don’t feel resilient at all.

19. My child’s happiness is not a competition. They can love both parents fully.

20. I’m allowed to enjoy time away from my child. 

For Treating Your Ex with Civility

21. My ex is my child’s other parent. That fact doesn’t change, regardless of how I feel about them personally.

22. I don’t have to like my ex to co-parent effectively. Being polite is enough. 

23. I can speak about my ex with restraint, even when I would rather not. My child is always listening.

24. I choose my battles wisely. Not every disagreement needs to become a war.

25. Listening to my ex doesn’t mean I agree with them. 

26. I can set firm boundaries with my ex and still remain civil. 

27. My child doesn’t need to hear my complaints about their other parent. That is what my friends are for.

28. I can co-exist with my ex without co-signing their choices. We don’t have to agree on everything.

29. When I am calm with my ex, my child feels safer. That is my motivation on difficult days.

30. I am enough, exactly as I am, right now. Not when I lose weight, get a promotion, or find a new partner. 

A Few Extra Thoughts

Pick 2 or 3 that hit hardest and put them somewhere that you’ll see them multiple times a day. The bathroom mirror or the inside of your wardrobe door work well.

When you have a difficult exchange with your ex, take a breath and quietly say one of the civility ones to yourself before responding. Even if you only manage to stay calm for the first sentence, that is progress.

And on the days when none of these feel true, that is ok too. Affirmations are not about forcing positivity. They are about giving your brain an alternative track to run on when the default track is full of self-doubt and frustration.

You are going through one of life’s more difficult and awkward transitions. Give yourself some grace. And maybe read number 1 again.